They all told me that it hadn't originally been in their plans. Homeschooling that is. And time again I heard stories of how defenses went up, their ideas fought with God's plan for their life, and in the end...how they surrendered to this calling.
I didn't fight it plainly by saying no. I never said that this wouldn't be for us. As a desire to teach my children grew, each and every reason NOT to browsed through our family's ideas. I reasoned through each one of them.
"Maybe when they're older."
"Maybe after she learns to read."
"We'll let the baby go to Pre-School first."
"I'll get our schedule more organized and us on a better routine before we go there"
And the one that ALWAYS, each and every time, stayed in the center of these other thoughts?
" I have a heart for this. One day, just not now, we will homeschool."
And there it was and there it stayed. I continued to learn and research, my desire growing. I prayed. I studied scripture. I journaled my thoughts. And I decided that yes, I want to homeschool my children. So I specifically asked God to show me. Is this what I'm supposed to do?
I'll never forget the way He moved after that prayer. In the way only He can, so clearly and so real. I was in church later that week and I heard a scripture that about knocked me out of my pew. It was one of those moments where if you had been watching, you could have seen the shake of my head, the widening of my eyes, and the expression of just being spiritually 'slapped in the face' if you will! I heard the scripture loud and clear.
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates. Deuteronomy 6:7-9
There it was. God's answer rang perfectly with every thought, feeling, and idea that had been weighing on my heart. This was exactly what He was telling me to do. And then....another unnamed influence brought this once again to a screeching halt. It wasn't bad, it wasn't wrong, it was just another part of our journey towards coming home. It was okay, just a reminder that we still weren't quite there yet. And I surrendered. I clearly told God 'ok', that I was on board with His decision, and surrendered myself to the place in my life where He had me.
What came next changed everything. That final, undeniable change that stepped us into this new part of our lives. Every comfort and security of our current situation had vanished. I can't say that it was a surprise. Because once again, our good Lord had prepared me for it. Through uncomfortable, seemingly silly events that led up to this....things were made very clear. When the bomb dropped, I was grateful to have the past few months of 'lessons learned' and people's true hearts shown. Though they had been challenging, it was these things that had prepared me for what was happening next. These things, these 'interactions' and realization about people and things that made the truth crystal clear. I DID NOT have to doubt what was wrong and what was right. I only had to close my eyes and thank Him, once again, for preparing me and making things perfectly align with scripture and His guidance, before the 'changes' ever even took place.
I clung close to Him, I lost myself in His perfect word, I prayed harder than I've prayed in a long time, and.... I listened. He laid the groundwork, he paved the path, and he prepared our hearts long before the storm of change came our way. So it was with great peace in my heart that the decision was made. Everything that has happened since this time has only been a reassurance, small reminders, and boosts of confidence, that we are exactly where we are supposed to be!
After every storm comes new growth. When days get hectic, as I'm sure they will, I will cling to His promises. And I will remember, just how faithful and good He has been to our family! He has brought us here, and He will guide our way. In the meantime, my heart is full of joy and excitement! I can't wait to see what is in store in our home, and I look forward to sharing all of the true lessons of the heart that He sends our way!