I've never been one of those Mom's who get down and depressed over my babies growing up. Sure some moments are bitter sweet, but have never been overly hard for me. It's very possible that I've simply been so busy changing diapers and such to take the time out to shed those tears. But now that diapers are no longer on my shopping list, I'm still not in danger of deep depression. On the contrary...I'm beside myself with a feeling of accomplishment. I do believe I've earned my way into the way of Mommyhood confidence.
The biggest and best compliment anyone could ever give me is that I'm a great Mom. When I hear words like this, my heart soars. Even more, it lifts my spirits which can so easily become overwhelmed with that feeling that I'm not doing good enough, or not getting it right.
I'm such an imperfect Mom. I've been known to let my kids eat potato chips for breakfast. My house is never 'perfect'. I've put the wrong clothes on the wrong kid before. Weeks after a time change, I've rushed (and not very nicely) the kids out the door only to arrive at the school an hour early. I've COMPLETELY dropped the bomb on keeping up on baby books. I've even forgotten a child's shoes at home or arrived at our destination with a little boy in shorts and camo rubber boots, unknown to me upon departure. I've had temper tantrums of my own. I've underestimated my children. Tonight I don't think there's a pillow case on my sons pillow and the thought of it is driving me crazy. There's been times there's simply not been enough of me to go around.
|Just last summer|
And amongst all of my failures, these kids are somehow turning out not just okay, but amazing! They know and love their God. At the end of every argument and every day, they are still best friends and each others greatest advocates. For every breakfast potato chip, there's been too many homemade meals to count. There are recipes created together with them in the kitchen, and has never been a night they've gone to bed hungry. They've always had more than enough clothes, even if I've attempted to put them on the wrong child. They have passed these clothes to other hands with joyful hearts. In place of perfect baby books, there are priceless and uncountable memories of being together. When shoes have been left behind, there were always many pairs of the same to keep them company at the house. When I've lost my composure, they've learned that their actions always effect others, that Mommy too is imperfect and in need of a savior, and how to apologize through example. Each time I've underestimated one of these babies, I've learned more than I could have ever learned in a classroom. There may not be a pillowcase on that pillow tonight, but there will be in the morning. And when I think there's not enough of me to do it all, I'm reminded that in their little eyes, I do everything they need.
And then there's the huge accomplishments, like surviving 8 years of diapers. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm not sad, I'm perfectly happy with where our family is today. I don't get down over milestones like I see other Mom's do at times. I'm too fulfilled, completed, and happy with who my kids are today to mourn for yesterday. Each and every day these little ones become even larger than life to me. With every sunrise I love them more and I cherish kissing their little cheeks every time that same sun sets. Perhaps one day I'll shed tears over them being grown. But really, I think I'll be too busy finally arranging the photographs, the memories, and of course....having a perfectly clean house. For now, today, I'm too tied up loving each and every one of these babies for who they are and where they are in their journey of growing up.
And tomorrow when I think I've fallen short in some way, I get to remember that if I've survived 8 years of diapers-I can tackle just about anything!